Running Music

(Wrote this post a few weeks back, just got around to editing.)

As a single person, I often listened to the calls of nature more than responsibilities.  I know, not the best thing to brag about, but it's who I default to when The Man is getting the best of me.  If the day is perfect, I will do what is necessary to catch the sunlight, or the perfect sun:wind combo, or a burst of energy.  So today, although the laundry was shouting my name, it was one of Florida's few perfect days.  And also,  it's not Thursday, the weird day in which I recoil to a robotic machine and cannot do anything out of routine.  So I put on my funky little shape-ups (that I only own because Husband says they're cute) although I think he's just getting on my good side.  Gotta let the cripple win some.  I went out for a walk.

By the way, they don't tone your butt.  Squats tone your butt. And that's not why I got them, my buns are fine thank you.  They ease up the knee joints.

The breeze was perfect and the right blend of cool and warm.   The afternoon shades were dreamily falling over the city line (albeit, an ugly city in my humble opinion).  I put my iPod buds in my ears and set out to walk in a public area where I won't be abducted (and quickly returned).  It was hard to resist not taking off running, just like the old days.  After so many years of trying to find my niche, aside from home, work, and family, it was this.  Hitting the pavement, beating my own records, listening to my music, and separating my thoughts from everything that could disillusion a person.  Now here I was treading ever so lightly to make sure my foot bones won't slide around, my hip won't rub on direct bone, my knees won't hyper-extend, my ankles won't swell, my ligaments won't snap.  I about started to run to forget it all.  But I didn't.  I'm paying heed to the lessons I'm finally learning about over-doing it.

Another aspect I noticed about my single-self versus married-self, with the added struggle of being as fragile as a porcelain doll, is music.  Music would set my mood, or I would set the mood with my music.  I don't usually care for music in the background while I work or while a group is enjoying a conversation.  I ritualistically listen to it when I can be in the car, when I'm running, or when I can blare my lungs out while cleaning.  But lately, I hardly listen to music in the same style I used to.  Husband and I have a relatively small margin of music in common compared to my otherwise limitless taste in music.  We enjoy many styles together, but not the type I can play all day and certainly not the type that macho guys will jam too.  I'm left to banging my head or waving around glow sticks; otherwise I opt for quiet time because of how easily overwhelmed I get to loud noises on days that I'm tired; and I usually am.  Also, my car has been getting customized in the shop, along with my iPod friendly sound system.  In my makeshift ride, I'm stuck with the radio and I'd rather listen to NPR than Bieber.  So I found that I don't listen to music as much  anymore and when I do, I'm not affected by it in the emotional style I used to be.

"Did I listen to pop music because I was miserable? Or was I miserable because I listened to pop music?" -John Cusack

I'm more of the melancholic type, more so before than now.  Being happily married, I'm no longer an industry target for the hormone-driven roller coaster girl.  I'm no longer 'need' to relate to the pining Fiona, or bitter Lilly Allen, insecure Jem, or clueless Britney Spears.  I mean, I still rock out to all my favorites, but I don't relate to those feelings that have been replaced by real life and real love.  It's hard for me to listen to boppy and poppy music all the time because it doesn't feel realistic to me.  All this nonsense and shenanigans about Just Dance, It'll be Okay...Uh Dancing won't make it okay. Really, it won't.  And Rude Boys, please!  We want gentlemen! Yes we do, so don't make me sing along.  But I'm happy now and love my melancholic music just as much, so it was weird to shuffle through some of my old songs and immediately flash black to a time that I invited turmoil over a boy or a guy who played with my head.  How different things are!

The feeling of being married didn't happen overnight.  Becoming ill did not happen overnight.  I never picked a particular day and exclaimed, "Today I will be okay with being ill" or "I know what it feels like to be an established wife".  Every once in a while I get a surprising whiplash into the current reality and have to take stock of where I am and how much I've progressed or what else might need adjustment.

Stepping out of my new element and into my old one, I realize I've settled in to the emotions that come along with being bound to someone and also how to leave single selfish emotions where they belong, in the past.  The transition into new stages of life have always been violent for me, but recently I feel like its falling into place like butter.  It's not without some work and introspection but it's nice not to have to resist so much.  Even in the subtler things, like completely surrendering to another person or deciding to walk 20 minutes instead of run 10 minutes.  I'm learning how to pay attention to myself whether I make the personal decision or if life throws a curve ball.

[caption id="" align="aligncenter" width="225" caption="via Noelap at Flickr"][/caption]

Anyway, you don't lose who you were or everything that makes you the person you currently are.  It just evolves and grows.  So I can still listen and pine to sap songs when my husband is away for business:

Paolo Nutini - No Other Way (The Scottish and arpeggios.  A beautiful blend.)

And yet I've learned to party right along with him and our blending lifestyle.  One that we both are continually accommodating to without looking back, and hoping that one day I'll be much healthier so I can run the circles around him that drove him wild:

Skrillex - Scary Monsters and Nice Sprites (It'll make your brain oooze. Best enjoyed with headphones)

 

 

A Quickie.

(Since it's a quickie, editing will be at a minimum.  This is real life ya'll.)

I'm still here.  The launch of this blog was not a false spark of energy.  As a matter of fact, when I started, I had very little energy.  My usual hobbies and duties had taken a back seat while I sat pretty on the couch with a Wolf flare, one of inflammation and exhaustion that I'm still working to understand.  I was either going to be TV prone or manage to save my my brain cells through the medium of writing.  The only thing I confess to is that the momentum was a bit heavy and posting something funny or interesting every day is just not going to happen.   So I decided if I feel like it, I will write, and if I don't, I won't.  There's no point in making a blog if you lose your joy over feeling the need to cater to an audience.  This project is the exact opposite.  Adversity confronted.

Well, in the last week or so and hopefully in the following days, I've been much healthier.  It's a large part of the reason I've been absent from the screen.  No chance I will be typing away when my legs and lungs are at almost-normal capacity.  The symptoms never seem to fully go away, but they do submit to all my careful and meticulous healing methods and avoidance tactics.  However, remission is temporary and who knows when and how it will strike again.  Pummeling through the last week like I have is probably counterproductive to a chunky period of health.  This culture we live in makes it feel like if you're not go-go-gadget, you're letting precious time and life slip away, and yes, I'm a conflicted member of that mentality.  It duals with my zen-like, listen-to-your-body-mentality.  Even with husband being gone so much this month, there's so much that needs to be done.  At the end of the day, some time for perspective is of the essence.  Somewhere between all the things that need to be taken care of and walking to and from parking lots, I get overwhelmed.  This is not intended as a pleasure read, but as a visual representation of my mind going 1000 miles per hour at the end of the day.  Definitely, not in chronological order.

• Drop off the cat before work to get spayed, power through banging morning headaches and body aches.
• Make a stop at the gas station, the produce corner, publix, and Target during Saturday mayhem.
• Schedule half the other errands during work lunches or I'll get too achy.
• Make sure you have energy for when Husband comes home.
• Make sure there is clean laundry for when he comes home.
• Did you remember the cilantro?
• The cat food bowls are empty.
• They're out of litter.
• Emergency run to Petsmart.
• Forgot parent's anniversary.
• Food diary: peanut butter makes muscles hurt.
• Can't leave the house with just any pair of shoes, a new set of flats is in order. Add shopping, postpone, rinse, repeat.
• Cancel the peanut butter on Vitacost order.
• Order is on route. Eat the $.
• Schedule mattress shopping dates with Husband. Postpone, rinse, repeat.
• Bought oats, not gluten free.   Eat that cost as well.
• What's making my skin itchy, is it the Wolf? Is it dryness? Is it chemtrails?
• Breathe. Don't forget to breathe.
• Include exercise somewhere in there, it'll give you the energy to last longer.
• Medicine regimen. Empty stomach before and after, 3 times a day.
• Cat took off the cone! Get her!!!
• Read every label of everything you buy.
• Put on foot lotion after shower.
• Deny invitations for food and play and cheerfully offer options.
• Skip meetings, listen in.
• Catch up through text, forget the written letters.
• Call in late again. Rush through lunch.
• Repaint those chipped toenails.
• Remember to take the nopal, the omegas, the flax seed oil three times a day, drink at least one tea of ginger, make sure to eat fiber every day.
• Break up the cats, no roughhousing yet.
• Don't get sidetracked! You burned the butternut squash.
• Install shower filter on list.
• But I thought you took out the garbage?
• The dishes are calling.  Husband is hungry. Cat is playing with stitches.  Must. Sit. Down.
• Husband and I are ill and exhausted
• Did that have caffeine in it?  IC flared again.
• Send bill payment to new location. Locate the new address.
• Tell God to take care of the usual suspects, cause I can't remember what's going on with who?
• UPS skipped the delivery, add to the errands list for pick-up.  Wait in line.
• Forget re-doing the toenails...shave!
• Forgot to buy distilled water.
• Smile without looking psychotic!

Does anyone else feel like they're brain is going to explode?  Is the full moon arriving or is there just such limited time and too much traffic in the city? Do we self-sabotage/load ourselves to cover every little detail and then feel unaccomplished if something on the to-do list goes unchecked?

I don't know if in reality it isn't much and it only feels that way, but no matter the lessened pace I impose, no matter how much repose I force myself to surrender to, there has been an underlying sense of overload, especially if anything doesn't get done.  I don't necessarily blame being ill on this but I do have to wonder how large a part it plays in my life even when I do feel relatively upbeat and active.

It seems like it's inconvenience after inconvenience, but its just life, not picking on any one particular person.  It's about organizing before it gets out of control, or admitting overload when it's there.  Before I got married, I learned how we automatically as  individuals (especially control freaks) usually take note of the undone without taking stock of the things that go according to plan.  Even if it does happen while running amock, there are many things going our way as long as we're putting the time and work it.  The balanced person knows that there is more negative than positive, but some careful meditation helps pinpoint good results that are achieved and how its not always found on the chore list.

It was suggested in one of my favorite books on how the mind creates thoughts and affects behaviors.  It proposed that you take the author up, for one week at the end of the day, write everything you accomplished, now matter how small the task.  It was to enhance your viewpoint by the end of each trial period and begin learning to more readily acknowledge your hard work and sense of ongoing accomplishment.  I tried it and it goes to show that even though it felt like complete chaos to do everything on a limited clock, I was getting it done.  Expecting everything at my pace (a pace that I put up against those go-getter superwomen) was where the pressure built and distorted the view that everything was going pretty darn well.

• Cat fixed. Done and over with.
• Parents back from El Salvador, quality time spent with them.
• Date night with Husband.
• Bob's Red Mill kindly sent me Gluten Free oats to replace my mistaken purchase.
• I got my Tofu Press.
• The health foods are working marvelously.
• Business has picked up.
• My kitty just said I LOVE YOU in cat.
• Husband and I are on the same page, despite the travel schedule.
• I received recognition for the monthly incentive program at work.
• Sister send the best talking card and magnet!
• Got a bomb-a$$ deal at Yankee candle for the parents anniversary gift by coincidence.  (Some lady just left a buy 2 get 2 of equal size free.
• ....The list goes on, but some things I'll keep to myself as any of you would.

So, I'm exhausted.  A bit stressed.  Missing Husband, especially at bedtime.  But not worrying about a pretty and perfect post has got me feeling pretty pleased tonight.  My house is mostly clean and I'm set up to go to my meeting tomorrow.  Priorities back on track and I'm sure there'll be another readjustment soon.  Next week on my list, slow down on new health recipes, repeat a few meals, and instead take proper care of others when done taking care of self.  :)

Peace out. Lights out.

• This post will constitute the greatness that is Walmart fun.  It is what happens when you're not in a rush, don't want to bring WMD with you,  and don't focus on the ungodly alienesque (redudant) characters that roam the stores frightening the cohabitation of the average citizen, making us ponder the unanswered question...why are we here?

• Times are tough.  The economy is bringing people together at Walmart.  For the most part, you can spot a person who doesn't belong in there and you identify their economical and life status.  Nicely groomed man: Wife left him, took everything. A well dressed career woman pushes around a cart, puzzled and flustered: Husband is in debt.  High-end snob model: she's lost or is too blonde to know she's making all the rednecks drop their canned goods on their crusty toes.

• It will expound upon some tips on nutritional food, insights, Walmart sight-seeing, money saving tactics and tid-bits I've picked up along the way.

• It will be laid out in bullet point format for the mom-in-a-hurry, the business woman, or those with  Internet ADHD Syndrome (the ones who click on all external links, and find themselves reading about Tanzania's President by the time their done), or people like me: the coherently fractured mind (paradoxical).

• Money saving tips - Produce: buy at corner vegetable and fruit stands.  No bagging, no stock boy, no corn wax. For Asian, Jamaican, Latin, and world recipes..find a local ethnic store.  Everything will be ridiculously cheaper there.

1. Curries


2. Corn Masa


3. Rice and Beans


4. Herbs and Spices


5. Coconut Milk


6. Noodles


7. Sauces


8. Weird plants


9. Oxtail Seasoning.. Wait. What? (Emphasis on the WH)

There is no doubt why some whities think the spanish are a bit from the another world.



No croutons. I've got just the thing!

Truth is, in the Spanish section, I found pumpkin seeds perfect for snacks and granola, which I paid a Starbuck's coffee's worth more for it at a natural health food store (even though I'm not supposed to drink coffee).  Anyway, these are not highly processed.  Get your anti-inflammatory curry powder here!  It's not just for people with disease: people with allergies, people who work out.  Get your banana leaves here...haha..

• Funny... that the Wal-Mart I patronized did not list it as the Ethnic Foods Isle.  They labeled it Latin Foods.

The other cultures look tame next to these guys.

• Not funny... that ironically I had become the Wal-Mart weirdo because I was taking pictures of cow tongues in jars.  I'm not kidding.  Even the spics were looking at me like I spit on the Virgin Mary.  Oh, don't worry.  I didn't mean spic as derogatory, because I am one.  Kind of like how only a certain group can use the "n" word amongst themselves.  Just jokes my friends, just jokes.  Send hate mail or counsel to :bunnybutt83@yahoo.com

• You must still read the labels.  Just because some countries are poor does not mean their corporations are beyond adding a lot of cheap foreign material to it.  I mean, look at our broke America.  They put silicone in my food! Some Oriental and Spanish food shamelessly add Mono Sodium Glutamate to their food.  Almost anything that ends in -mine does not belong in your plate.  My Cholas: please look carefully if you buy ADOBO seasoning.  The spanish version contains MSG.  The randomly enlightened North American version does not.  Some just sell MSG for a good brain rush.

• A special side note:  The picture quality is to blame on my chronologically irrelevant phone in this rapidly evolving tech timeline we live in.  As a matter of fact, while I took the above picture, I lost the R key plate (that also doubles as the number 3 button).  No longer can I text you that, "I'm angry, Grrrr!".  No, I'm just G.  Matching iPhones are in the works for Husband and me, but I fear divorce in the near future if we upgrade to such man-grabbing smartphones.  I would have to make an ElenAPP to get his attention.

• Some popular organic brands are available in your Wal-Mart.  If you scan the rows long enough will magically appear in the back, hiding behind the pickles and the Twinkies.

[caption id="" align="aligncenter" width="240" caption="And you thought the epitome of greatness was Peanut Butter. Bout time you experimented!"][/caption]

• Please do yourself a favor and buy Gluten Free, Organic, and Environmentally Friendly Peanut Butter Panda Puffs!  They carry it at many Wal-Mart!  (Not in hick town though).  You don't have to have Celiac's Disease to want to stuff these down your pants. Try with vanilla soymilk. If you just don't care, get Reese's Peanut Butter cereal cause they are good, said the girl with the hives.

• Here's some common sense for all housewifes and home keepers, not rookies like me. Pragmatically speaking, not nutritionally, do buy the large strawberries so you don't have to keep going back.  Don't stock up on bulk broccoli just because you need to eat better.  Eating healthy food happens in baby steps for us Oreo-is-a-food-group eaters.  It is better you overdose on strawberries than spend your monies on a ton of greens that are just gonna get up on their stalks and walk away.

• If you want your kids, I mean er, Husband to eat better...you're gonnaa have to do some prep work.  Chop them fruits up pretty, try to put them in a prettier bowl that the tupperware below, and pin some fiery sparklers on top of them.  Handing them an apple is just laughable.  Slice it, dice it, eat a piece, garnish them and serve.  Arrange their cauliflower into little trees and take off the crust every once in a while on the sprouted whole grain bread.  Tell them there is sugar added in the berries.

• This is what a fruit massacre looks like. "It was a run-by fruiting!" Bet you don't know what I'm quoting?  Husband and I bonded on that quote long ago!  A million points if you know it:

• I know this is obvious, but buy seasonally!  Try the things you were always afraid to try and do it while they're dirt cheap.  Tis the season for papaya, kiwi, and watermelons.  I know this because it was on display, not because I subscribe to Southern Living.  In the days of yore (not sure when yore is), people would eat what was available in the area and nearby trade.  They didn't have mass exports of kiwi in the dead of winter.  It makes sense that tropical people eat mangoes in the Caribbean to cool off, not in New England.  This is TRUE organic eating.  However, since we're a spoiled peoples, let's have our papaya and eat it too.  It makes your skin glow by the next day, great anti-inflammatory, protein breaker-upper, and you'll poop like a duck. Eat. Boom! Poop.

Yes guessed it!  You must scoop out the seeds, possibly peel the skin, and dismember it into cubes to remove any semblance that it was once a papaya if you wants your family to go near it.  They don't do fruit roll-ups with this many vitamins and fiber.

• And if you don't have that much fun in Wal-Mart after looking for little treasures and tricks, then stop by  Sweetbay's Ethnic section.  guaranteed fun.  I spy with my eye:

In the English section. Love how it says sponge pudding.

Now if you'll excuse me, I have to go slurp on some cactus mucus....Bye.

Love,The Housewifee